


Portugal

by biscuitsandgravy



Category: Free!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Future Fic, M/M, introspection with a side of light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 23:42:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6030169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biscuitsandgravy/pseuds/biscuitsandgravy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The plans you make when you're five may not work out, Haruka learns. Growing up is hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Portugal

**Author's Note:**

> You grow up when I'm not looking  
> We grow apart without knowing  
> ...  
> What you don't know now, someday you'll learn  
> That growing up is a heavy leaf to turn 
> 
> - _Portugal_ , Walk the Moon

When most children first ask adults what marriage is, most adults explain something to the effect of marriage being “two people who love each other very much and live together.” Upon hearing that, many children proclaim that they will grow up to marry a family member, or friend. After all, marriage just means living with someone that you love.

 

Nanase Haruka was five years old when he decided that he was going to marry Tachibana Makoto. He kept his plans a secret, but why wouldn’t he want to marry his best friend?

 

For most children, growing older means realizing that there’s more to marriage than just living with someone you love. Watching countless movies about the mushy kind of “love” and seeing commercials about well-dressed couples buying each other jewelry- well, you start to realize that the “love” adults talk about is different from your love for your dog, or your best friend.

 

Haru still held onto the hope that someday, he would marry Makoto.

 

After all, Haru is a sensible person. He knows what chores Makoto likes to do, and Makoto knows exactly how long to let Haru soak in the bath before insisting he get out. Haru knows how to cook, and Makoto has a good head for money. It would work.

 

The only time Haru considered abandoning his plan was during their last year of high school, when he realized that he and Makoto may not have been on the same page in regards to their futures.It felt like a rug was being pulled from underneath his feet; he knew it was a little irrational to expect Makoto to just _know_ that they were meant to be together. For the first time, Haru had to consider that Makoto may someday have a life separate from him.

 

Maybe they won’t get married.

 

Haru considers this as he submerges himself to his ears in the bath. Life in Tokyo has been so busy, Haru really only has time to think about Makoto while he’s taking his morning bath. Still, he sees Makoto often enough, so there was still time for his plan to work…right? Makoto hasn’t expressed interest in marrying anyone else, and Haru was sure he wouldn’t find anyone more compatible with him than Makoto. They didn’t see each other daily anymore, but Makoto still somehow knows when Haru is spending too much time in the bath, or had forgotten to charge his phone.

 

Haru hears a knock at the front door of his apartment, and then Makoto’s voice, apologizing for barging in. _Of course_ , he thinks, bubbling contentedly. It was just like Makoto to know when Haru was thinking about him. (Another sign they should get married!)

 

“Haru, are you in here? I’m coming in,” Makoto says as he lets himself into the bathroom. “Good morning, Haru.”

 

Haru bubbles in response. Makoto smiles, accepting Haru’s response.

 

“My morning class was cancelled, but I didn’t find out until I was already at the station,” Makoto explains. “So I just took a train over here instead of going all the way back home.”

 

“It’s farther to come here than go back to yours,” Haru comes up for water and sits up in the bathtub. Makoto laughs.

 

“True, but I wanted to make sure you would get out of the bath,” Makoto offers Haru his hand, and of course Haru takes it.

 

_He understands me_ , Haru thinks gratefully. _Dependable_. He can’t say that out loud, so he goes a different route with that. “Hm,” he scoffs. “I can get myself out of the bath.”

 

His tone must sound a bit meaner than he intends, however, because Makoto looks a little hurt. Only for a second, though. “Well, it had been a while since I’d seen you,” he says nervously. “Being so far away from you is hard to get used to.”

 

Haru takes a second to internally scold himself for not just telling Makoto _thank you_ or _I miss you too_ , the way most human beings would. “You must miss having mackerel for breakfast with me,” he tries to lighten the mood. It works, and Makoto chuckles again.

 

“Yeah, I do,” his smile is genuine as he leaves the room so Haru can get dressed but Haru can’t help being unnerved. It’s only been a few months of living like this, are they starting to lose touch?

 

——

 

Other than that small blip, the rest of their communication goes well for the next few weeks. Haru makes more of an effort to respond to Makoto’s texts and emails, even if it’s just to send a cat video he knows Makoto will like.

 

But one morning in the bath, Haru wakes up and realizes that he hasn’t actually seen Makoto in three weeks. _When we’re married, we’ll see each other ever day_ , Haru thinks childishly to himself. If there’s one thing Haru excels at, it’s denial.

 

——

 

After a session with his personal coach, Haru makes an effort to not go home and melt into his bed, but to go see Makoto instead; it’s been almost a month since the last time they saw each other. He knows Makoto usually stays on campus to study in the hour-long break between his afternoon classes, so Haru makes his way towards the campus library (it’s not like he’d looked up a map of the school on the train ride over). 

 

In the library’s foyer, he sees a sign for silent study rooms and another for the group study area. He cranes his neck in both directions, not knowing which one Makoto would be likely to use. But then he hears a familiar laugh.

 

Haru walks towards the group study area and sure enough, Makoto is sitting facing the doorway, with half a dozen people, all of whom seem to have the same book open on the table in front of them. They’re all laughing, comfortable, and suddenly Haru feels anything but. Why did he think this would be a good idea, of course Makoto would probably want to study with others, he loves people.

 

But before Haru can back out the doorway, Makoto looks up and sees him.

 

“HARU!” he exclaims and jumps out of his chair. The others in the group startle at Makoto’s sudden outburst, and Haru tries to keep his face impassive as Makoto strides over to him. “What are you doing here?” Haru is at least gratified to see that Makoto is beaming.

 

“My training session ended and I decided to come here,” he mutters, slightly embarrassed at himself. He’s wearing whatever workout gear was at the top of his drawer this morning and he swears he sees one of the girls in Makoto’s group scrutinizing his mismatched outfit.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here! Would you like to meet- no, how about we go for coffee instead? I wish I had time for a full meal, but unfortunately I have class in half an hour. Just let me say goodbye to everyone and we can go,” Makoto says. Haru nods, and Makoto rushes over to his group, apologizing for leaving early. Haru wants to feel bad, for making Makoto leave when he was obviously enjoying himself.

 

He wants to, but it’s hard when Makoto’s heading over with his backpack, still grinning.

 

——

 

They end up getting coffee and then making plans for dinner on Friday. 

 

While they’re eating dinner, Haru can’t help but notice all the unfamiliar names Makoto uses in his stories. Haru gets up to use the bathroom and Makoto is looking at his phone when he returns. 

 

It leaves a funny feeling in his stomach.

 

——

 

When the school year ends, Makoto and Haru fly back to Iwatobi together. It’s nice, but Haru knows it won’t be for long. Every time he goes to Makoto’s house to play video games, he knows it’s only temporary. When Makoto comes over to Haru’s because Haru purposely wafted the scent of green curry down to Makoto’s house, Haru knows that they’ll be back to college life in a few weeks.

 

Haru ignores it, though, and tries to keep on pretending. _When we’re married_ , he thinks, but can’t finish his thought. It starts becoming almost like a mantra he uses to fall asleep at night. _When we’re married, when we’re married, when we’re married_ …

 

——

 

Returning to Tokyo feels like it could be different this time: Rei will be going to the same university as Makoto. The three of them make plans to help Rei move in and Makoto assures Rei they can study together (while Nagisa sighs, wishing he was going to Tokyo too). Haru hopes that having Rei there will make Tokyo feel more like home and that it will give him more excuses to see Makoto.

 

——

 

It doesn’t.

 

——

 

Despite living much farther away, Haru ends up video chatting with Nagisa a lot. He doesn’t say it, but Haru can tell Nagisa misses home. The two don’t have much in common, but it’s a comfort to Haru to hear Nagisa’s voice. Nagisa’s natural chattiness means that he does most of the talking; this works well for Haru because he can work on assignments or reading while Nagisa goes on in the background. It’s soothing.

 

And then one day the disconnect Haru feels between himself and Makoto seems greater than usual. 

 

“Is something the matter, Haru-chan?” Bless Nagisa for noticing right away. But Haru still hesitates, at first. Bringing it up would make it real, and even though it already is real, it’s not _real_ real until Haru says it out loud (he’s confused by his own logic, too).

 

“I don’t see Makoto very much anymore,” Haru states. He’s trying to be impassive, but maybe he doesn’t have to be, because Nagisa immediately smiles kindly.

 

“It must be hard, since you grew up together,” Nagisa says sympathetically.

 

_And because we were going to get married_ , Haru thinks but has the sense not to say. Instead, he goes with, “He used to message me often but he doesn’t anymore.”

 

“Yeah, Rei-chan messaged me a lot at first. He’s already cut back,” Nagisa sighs. Haru appreciates his pensive mood. “I guess they’re both growing up,” he muses.

 

——

 

Summer comes and Haru, Rei, and Makoto go out to dinner to celebrate Haru’s birthday. Something feels off about the meal to Haru, but he can’t put his finger on what it is until one of Makoto’s stories.

 

“…and while I was standing there, covered in flour, there’s a knock at the door!” Makoto is gesturing emphatically and Rei is hanging on his every word. “Haru, don’t give away the ending!” Makoto grins at him.

 

“I haven’t heard this story,” Haru says tonelessly. Makoto blinks.

 

“What? But we had dinner together that night…I was late because of…oh,” Makoto trails off. Haru just stares at him. 

 

That’s when it dawns on Haru that he hasn’t seen Makoto since they both helped Rei move in to his apartment in April. It must dawn on Makoto too because he grabs Haru by the shoulders from across the table.

 

“I’m sorry, Haru!” Makoto wails dramatically. “We’ll have dinner soon!” Rei must have caught on too, because he looks shocked as well.

 

“Haruka-senpai, it has been so rude of me not to make an attempt to come see you, considering how close we live to each other!” Rei bows, obviously asking for forgiveness.

 

Haru pouts, but is placated.

 

——

 

“Well, maybe you could message him,” Nagisa suggests while chewing on a pencil during one of their video calls.

 

“I do. Sometimes,” Haru mumbles. True, he could try more, but the last few times he texted Makoto first, their conversation didn’t really go anywhere.

 

“Message him and tell him you rescued a kitten from a tree!” Nagisa exclaims.

 

“But I’d have to find a kitten,” Haru sighs. “Too much effort.”

 

“True,” Nagisa giggles. “But you like cats! Well…I’ll think of some more conversation starters, I promise, but right now I have to go to a study group. Later, Haru-chan!”

 

Haru isn’t even sure if he says goodbye or not.

 

——

 

Nagisa is right though; Haru can make more of an effort to stay in touch. And what better way to stay in touch than to visit Makoto in person?

 

It worked before, so it will probably work now. Probably. Except halfway over to Makoto’s school, Haru realizes that he doesn’t know Makoto’s schedule anymore. But he’s committed now, so he’s going to figure something out.

 

Haru starts heading towards the library, figuring Makoto might be there if he’s not in class. But after scanning the first floor (he’s not about to go up the stairs after his training session), there’s no sign of Makoto. He walks around campus for a while and is about to give up when he gets…a f _eeling_. Haru follows the unexplainable feeling of Makoto until he sees a bench. There are two people sitting on it, and even though they’re facing away from him, he has a pretty good idea who they are.

 

But then he notices how close they’re sitting. How one of them is leaning over too far to be a coincidence. How one of them has their arm draped over the other…oh.

 

Oh.

 

Nagisa was right again: Makoto and Rei are growing up.

 

——

 

It’s summer, but Haru feels cold for a solid week. He stops chatting with Nagisa as much, even though he knows he shouldn’t project his insecurities on him.

 

Nagisa must infer why Haru’s avoiding his calls, because he eventually receives a call from Makoto.

 

“Haru!” Makoto says before Haru can even say hello. “Nagisa told me you caught the flu, I can’t believe I didn’t know!”

 

Haru snorts. “I don’t have the flu, Makoto,” but he’s grateful Nagisa gave him an excuse to talk to Makoto.

 

“Oh, that’s a relief!” Makoto does sound relieved. “I was on my way to the store to get some medicine to drop off for you before I went to dinner. Are you sure you don’t need it?”

 

“Flu medicine isn’t very effective on healthy people,” Haru deadpans. Then there’s silence. _When we’re married_ , Haru’s brain unhelpfully supplies. But even in his mind, the thought feels foreign. Out of place. 

 

Like it no longer belongs.

 

Makoto hesitates, before filling the silence. “Haru, I’m so sorry! I said we would get together but we haven’t.” Makoto says nervously. “Rei feels bad too.” (Makoto can’t see it, but Haru twitches at that.) “Well, anyway, will you come have dinner with us tonight?”

 

“No,” he says simply. “I have plans.” Makoto makes a noise of protest. “Don’t worry about it,” Haru says, even though of course Makoto is going to.

 

“Haru…” Makoto says weakly. “I haven’t been a great friend lately, I’m sorry for not staying in touch. I understand if you’re mad at me.”

 

But oddly enough? Haru isn’t mad.

 

He summons all the sincerity in his body before responding. “Makoto,” he says as warmly as possible, hoping Makoto can still read his mind well enough to sense his meaning. “I’m not mad. I can’t expect everything to stay the same. It can’t stay the same. You’ve grown up. And so have I.” 

 

_Maybe we won’t get married, but that doesn’t mean you’re not important to me._ And Haru swears he can hear Makoto’s thoughts: _I understand._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm running on the assumption that Haru goes to Tokyo for swimming and some kind of college. Also, I'm assuming that Haru and Makoto going back to Iwatobi in ES 13 happens at the beginning of Nagisa and Rei's 3rd year.
> 
> Was gonna post this for Valentine's Day, then I realized it's not exactly romantic, lol. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
